Begrudging other's good fortune and choices
A member of my family has made consistently excellent choices throughout her adult life, with only a hiccup or two here and there. Instead of applauding her, I begrudge her the rewards and benefits of those choices. Why am I being so petty?
I guess it's because just like one or two excellent choices very early on can make a huge difference in the rest of your entire life, one or two bad choices can have the same impact, and sometimes there's just no recovering. It doesn't matter NOW that I'm smart and together and hard-working and sensible: I'm still constrained by the long-term consequences of a bad marriage 20 years ago and misplaced priorities five years before that.
This is one reason why I'm so intent on helping my older kids make a good start as young adults. Beautiful daughter is trying to get through nursing school with two young children and a husband in law school. It's going to be tough, but not finishing could have terrible long-term consequences, while finishing can ONLY be a good thing. Older son is off to a great start in college, and I'm going to be relentlessly on his back to continue that trend until he's done.
I guess it's because just like one or two excellent choices very early on can make a huge difference in the rest of your entire life, one or two bad choices can have the same impact, and sometimes there's just no recovering. It doesn't matter NOW that I'm smart and together and hard-working and sensible: I'm still constrained by the long-term consequences of a bad marriage 20 years ago and misplaced priorities five years before that.
This is one reason why I'm so intent on helping my older kids make a good start as young adults. Beautiful daughter is trying to get through nursing school with two young children and a husband in law school. It's going to be tough, but not finishing could have terrible long-term consequences, while finishing can ONLY be a good thing. Older son is off to a great start in college, and I'm going to be relentlessly on his back to continue that trend until he's done.
4 Comments:
I had a roommate in law school who had it all -- brains, personality, and great looks. He rarely studied, but was able to study intensely just before an exam and be at the top of the class. The rest of the time he was partying all about town. Man, I resented that! Then I realized that he was just different, and I was okay with it. Turns out that he was a little envious of me because I had undergone a tragedy in my life and come through it. He never had that kind of experience.
I've come to realize that I can't change the past, and I have to make the best of things in whatever circumstances, however those came to be (I've made some bad choices to, BTW). It's no use for me to look back too much; I've always thought the relevant question was, "what do I do about it now?"
Education - good push. Glad you are directing the kids that way. As you say, finishing can only be good while not finishing might result in the wrong results. Keep supporting them.
" It doesn't matter NOW that I'm smart and together and hard-working and sensible"
Yes it does.
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.
- Shakespeare
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