Monday, August 01, 2005

The Shrink

My therapist referred me to a Real Psychiatrist for a medication review. I had told her several weeks ago I was having difficulty motivating myself to reach out to real human beings. When she asked why, I replied, "Because they are vast sucking black holes of need who take and take and take and give nothing back, and I don't have anything to give them."

She replied that I needed to have my medication checked.

Dr. H. is a funny, funny guy. He took my history right onto his computer. As we got toward the end of the interview, he said, "There are three things we can do. No, four things. Well, make that five things." I started to laugh and told him it made me think of a Monty Python routine. He launched into a recitation of the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" bit from the Holy Grail. I told him that wasn't the one I was thinking of, and started to hesitantly describe what little I remembered, at which point he immediately launched into "The Spanish Inquisition":
NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no...*Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)
Not the sort of behavior one expects from a shrink. At least, not what I expect from a shrink.

He diagnosed me with "Major Depressive Disorder, Single Episode, Partially Remitted." He said he could have called it "Multiple Episode" based on my descriptions of my past treatment, but didn't want to do so without adequate documentation. He said partial remission is VERY common among people who get their meds from a primary care physician, and that often just tweaking the meds will move a patient from partial to full remission. He put me on Prozac in addition to the Wellbutrin, because it's cheap, I've had success with it in the past, and the Wellbutrin may counter the sexual side effects that were such a problem the last time I took it.

The day I lost my job, Older Son and I watched "This is Spinal Tap." I loved the scene where Nigel has left the band, and Marty is talking to David about how he feels, and David says, "Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation." That's sort of how I was feeling last week. I'm so much better now that I'm properly medicated...

4 Comments:

Blogger Trail Seeker said...

I never heard if mixing anti-depressants before, but welbutrin and prozac do interact differently in the system. Let me know how it works out.

8/01/2005 04:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like you have found a soulmate. now if he would just offer you a job maintaining his computer you would be all set.

hope the pill cocktail works for you. give it about 6 weeks to kick in all the way.

8/01/2005 09:06:00 PM  
Blogger Phoebe said...

Maybe in six weeks you'll feel like making a real life friend (moi) who will try not to suck you into my black hole :)

8/01/2005 09:09:00 PM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Does the little blue pill make you larger?

8/02/2005 02:33:00 PM  

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