Why I take Wellbutrin's generic equivalent, Budeprion SR

I was suffering from major depression when I started taking Wellbutrin. I'd lost my faith. I had been out of work for almost a year. Our finances were in dismal shape. I am morbidly obese, and though I've often been able to see past my weight to my positive attributes, my inability to find work, combined with my size, and the sense that God had abandoned me, was starting make me feel like I was worthless. Subhuman, even. I get teary-eyed thinking about it.

I spent large parts of the day, more days than not, wishing I were dead. I would imagine how my family would be better off without me. DH could use the insurance money to pay off our debts, and marry a nice believer. I was prevented by a few things - primarily the lack of access to deadly doses of barbiturates or a gun, and concern about what little boy would do if nobody came to pick him up at the bus stop. What if he came home and found me?

When I told my daughter about this, she totally freaked. TOTALLY freaked. Reminded me that lots of people loved me and I would leave a mess behind and that I ought to go see a doctor.

I made an appointment with a therapist, and called my MD. He worked me in the next day and the nurse was adamant that if it got worse I should go to the hospital. When I saw the MD, I told him what I was looking for in a medication (fights depression; no sexual side effects) and he gave me Wellbutrin.

My therapist told me, after I started to feel better in a few weeks, that I was going to have "breakouts," and that they would pass, and I should not be overly concerned by them. She said that the medication barrier was not perfect. When it happens any more, it's almost always fairly brief in duration (< 24 hours) and it's almost always in synch with my menstrual cycle.

I'm so much better now. SO much better. I sometimes wonder if it's because my mental health has actually improved, or if it's just the drugs. But I've decided I don't care. If I need to take Wellbutrin or its generic equivalent for the rest of my life, and that keeps me from wishing I was dead, I'll do it. I wouldn't think twice about taking insulin if I was diabetic. This may just be what I need to stay well. If so, that's fine.