Guilt
I've been very fortunate through this difficult time. We evacuated to a nice hotel in Houston. I returned home briefly to find the house in very good shape. I stayed with my in-laws, and with my cousin, and now with my parents. Everyone has been thoughtful and kind and supportive.
An acquaintance of my daughter's, upon hearing about our sojourn of the last two weeks, cracked "well, it sounds like they've had a nice little vacation."
FEMA money showed up in my checking account three days after I filed a claim. My insurance company has given us a sizable advance against expenses for the next two weeks. Friends and family I've never met, or haven't seen in years, have sent donations. The love and support and kindness I've been welcomed with have been overwhelming.
I feel guilty. With all the devastation around us, we came through relatively unscathed. I feel selfish for planning to keep the money. I ought to give it to the 92 year-old woman in the Astrodome who doesn't know how to use a debit card. I ought to give it to the Red Cross to provide water and food for people who have neither. But I'm not going to give the money to those with needs so much greater than mine - because we really do need the money.
This is survivor's guilt. I feel like such a heel.
An acquaintance of my daughter's, upon hearing about our sojourn of the last two weeks, cracked "well, it sounds like they've had a nice little vacation."
FEMA money showed up in my checking account three days after I filed a claim. My insurance company has given us a sizable advance against expenses for the next two weeks. Friends and family I've never met, or haven't seen in years, have sent donations. The love and support and kindness I've been welcomed with have been overwhelming.
I feel guilty. With all the devastation around us, we came through relatively unscathed. I feel selfish for planning to keep the money. I ought to give it to the 92 year-old woman in the Astrodome who doesn't know how to use a debit card. I ought to give it to the Red Cross to provide water and food for people who have neither. But I'm not going to give the money to those with needs so much greater than mine - because we really do need the money.
This is survivor's guilt. I feel like such a heel.
6 Comments:
Don't feel like a heel. It's partially the fault of the government that many of those people are in such a desparate fix to begin with. And they are equally entitled to the money that the government is handing out.
If you feel the need to do something with your limited resources, try writing to your congresspeople, demand more accountability from FEMA and Homeland Security, and use the money they gave you to take care of your family. That's what it's there for. Hopefully, the government will get money to those who also need it, but if they don't, be prepared to write some letters and demand answers.
But don't feel survivor's guilt for the failings of the government. It's good though that you have concern for your fellow refugees, and I'm glad to hear it.
-PF
nanna, please realize the guilt as part of the shock and terror you have been thru. you were very lucky that your home is okay but, your peace of mind has suffered while waiting to find out. waiting to see if you would get your insurance money and fema in a timely manor. waiting to see about dh's job. wondering about the effect of all this on little boy and big boy. dont make light of your suffering, you have been thru a lot. the fact that you dont see yourself as a victim is a measure of your soul. you are a deep and caring person and would do most anything to help another person in need. you and your family are the ones in need now. keep your money. charity begins at home. that is not selfish.
there will be / are multiple programs govt and private that are helping these folks.
when you get back home you can do things to help that do not cost money. give your time, your heart, your blood.
i still think you could get a job with fema since you are so good at filling out those forms.
you are a kind, generous person and deserve time to heal just like all the others. glad you recognise it as survivors guilt and that can be treated with time and love.
if it is sympathy you want well, i am sorry texas beat your team. hows that !
mommy1
You need it - you will find out over the next few months. Don't feel guilty, just do things wisely. If there is any left over then donate it during the next disaster. There will always be people in need.
And you need to remember, that your coping skills my not be as good as someone who doesn't deal with depression. I don't mean to be negative, but you need to treat yourself like you are a fragile person, because you are! The effects of the hurricane may not seem as physically traumatic as the effects were on others, but the threat of PTSD or a deeper depression may be there. So take the money, take the meds, take Little Boy to COSI and take time to heal.
not to mention that there probably is still some shock that you are dealing with. sometimes it affects people in subtle ways. you have a long road ahead and need to conserve your resources. you can get through this and then offer help to someone in need.
it might be a good time to do a little research on survivors guilt. i imagine there will be many people suffering from it.
what is the news on dh school ?
are you in ohio yet ?
Would it make you ill if I posted a cliché?
"Feelings are not facts but it is a fact we have them."
Sorry, I mean well.
In the words of Stuart Smally,
you are "good enough".
That's it for my "program" talk for another year.
*Doug fears he has added insult to injury*
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