A Referral

When discussing my lack of motivation for seeking out increased social opportunities, I used this explanation (a true one): People are vast sucking black holes of need. I have nothing inside to give. I have traveled down too many one-way streets.

My therapist heard depression and emotional depletion. A perceptive women. She has referred me to a psychiatrist for a thorough evaluation and medication review.

I am better, but this is not as good as it gets. Thanks goodness. I'm better, but I'm only halfway up the hill.

Baby steps.

Left Out

Randy's comment about the wedding reception left me all confused. Perhaps this is just my natural state.

Do any of my readers take it personally when other people in your peer group get something that you don't? If you are not invited to a wedding reception when everybody at church (that you don't attend any more) is? If everybody at your office gets two cutely wrapped little American flags, but you get only one?

Maybe it's a remnant of my retreating self-loathing that I take such "slights" to heart. Or is that how normal people respond. Are any of you, my beloved audience, "normal"?

Reception

I went to a wedding reception tonight. I always, always enjoy spending a few minutes taking in two beautiful young people in love and making a start on their life together. It's so exciting, and they're so happy and hopeful. These two were no exception.

Bride and Groom are in their early 20's - young by most people's standards, but about average for LDS. They have been dating since we got here, when Groom came home from his mission, about three years ago. Bride had just started college, a music scholarship at Prestigious Private University. Now, she has just one year to go. She's going to finish, she insists, and then on to graduate school.

She looked just beautiful. Take my breath away beautiful. Tears in your eyes beautiful. He's a mighty handsome fellow, too.

What a lovely, upper of a way to spend the evening. I danced with my husband, who doesn't dance (but will with me). I ate strawberries dipped in chocolate. I had cake.

They aren't close friends of ours, but I was glad to be able to see them off. White lace and promises, a kiss for luck, and they're on their way.

Bloggers, take note

Consider yourself commented, Dave

Dave, writer of my most favorite Mormon blog, Dave's Mormon Inquiry, writes that keeping up with comments is just too much work. He invites comments in the form of trackbacks from our own blogs. Here's what I think:

I don't like it even one little bit. DMI is my single most favorite place to read about Mormon stuff. I crave interaction with the blogs I read. This may be all it takes to drive me out of the Mormon commenting sphere.

Harrumph.

A form of denial

DH does not believe in Interleague Play. He refers to it as an "abomination." He calls the games "exhibition games."

What form does the denial take? He insists that the games don't affect the standings.

Regroup

It didn't turn out to be a very good week. Cyclical, I think. However, now it's Friday and the laundry is almost done. DH is home, which is how the laundry is almost done. He moves the laundry, and I fold it. We have a sorting hamper, so very little sorting needs doing. It's a good system. He doesn't mind the moving, and I don't mind the folding.

My BIL and SIL may be coming for a brief visit Tuesday as they travel westward, which is as good a reason as any to clean, I suppose.

I'm mostly writing today because it's been so long, not because I feel I have anything to share. It's been a long week, and I'm tired. I hope to get a good night's sleep.

Countdown

Good things have happened. It's Saturday - always a good thing. The first major storm of the season went to Pensacola, instead of coming here. It's cloudy, but it hasn't even rained. A little bit of wind earlier, but that's it. My mother-in-law called me last night and apparently has forgiven me. DH leaves NY tomorrow. He will start driving back from Salt Lake City tomorrow night. He hopes to get as far as Price. He will be through New Mexico on Monday, and may make it home by Tuesday night. If not, he'll probably be home Wednesday for sure. The mysterious stipend could have been mailed as soon as yesterday. We literally have no idea how much it will be. A month's summer salary? $50? $1000? I'm all on tenterhooks - somehow we've fallen behind this month (only 11 days in), and every little bit will help.

I think these are all good things.

My expected trip to Colorado is in suspended animation, awaiting decisions such as: DSL or not? All at once or roll it out? What POS systems need rewiring? Once those decisions are made, we will decide if I need to be present for part of the implementation. I hope so. I haven't been to the mountains in five years, since Little Boy was just a wee lad of 11 months. And I could actually meet Phoebe face-to-face. (P. - I've been one poor correspondent, I've been too too hard to find, but it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind.)

I spent most of the day at work yesterday moving PCs. My boss, who is brilliant, determined that the computers should live on the desks vs. the floor, because flooding would be a very Bad Thing. Doh! Why didn't I think of that? So I got to crawl around on the floor and feed cables up to people. It was lots of fun. Maybe I should've been an electrician or something. I got five done; I have eight to go. I'll be able to get it done next week, which will hopefully be long before the next big storm materializes.

Older Son is off visiting Big State University with his buddies. He'll be home tomorrow night.

DH spent several hours at the LDS New York temple today, and will see the NY Philharmonic tonight. He saw the WTC site this morning, and yesterday he toured the UN and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. Thursday night, the seminar hosted a reception and variety show that he said was just wonderful.

I, on the other hand, will be dining Chez McDonald's tonight with the Little Boy. The company will be good, and I'm craving red meat. Trying to think positive.

Are we there yet?

I just barked at my mother-in-law. Everybody is motion - the in-laws are moving from Utah to Florida, and have already vacated their house. DH is in New York, and he'll be flying back to Utah to drive their car here, and then eventually to Florida. I'm the only person that's stationary, so I've been in the middle of a lot of things, mostly travel arrangements.

Plans had been made, and she started to tell me about a change in those plans. I made an invalid assumption and snapped at her. Then, when she very kindly explained things and asked if the new plan was OK, I replied, "It doesn't matter a bit to me. It's nothing to do with me."

She'll be calling in a few minutes for DH's flight information. I'm going to apologize. I feel bad for snapping at her and for jumping to conclusions.

Here's why I'm really angry, I think.

• I don't like being in the middle of things.
• I don't like being stuck here while DH gets to do cool stuff. (When he travels, he spends a week at NYU in Greenwich Village. When I travel, I spend a week in Arby's restaurants. Not.Fair.)
• My husband has been gone for a week, it'll be another week before he's back home, and I'm done. I'm just done.

But of course, I'm not done. I have another week to go.

See my guest post over on Complicated Shadows.

How not to help someone who is dealing with difficulty, pain, or sorrow

I had a friend whose baby had died. She was on bed rest at the time, pregnant with twins who really, really wanted to come early. Her RS president "comforted" her with stories of the pioneer women who sacrificed so much, blah, blah, blah, so she needed to not feel sorry for herself. Just what the grieving mother of a dead baby needs to hear to make her feel better, don'tcha think?

We mere humans, when we're trying to figure out what kinds of people we ought to be, when we're in a difficult position, or grieving over a loss, are not typically brought to our senses by reminders of how much worse others have it. At least, not once we've passed the age of ten.

Reminders of all Jesus suffered don't minimize any suffering we mere mortals might be having. And don't EVEN think about singing "Praise to the Man" or performing any variants on that activity as a way of pulling me out of my slump. Puh-lease. Joseph brought it on himself.

An Asset

When my older son was younger, and we were living in Lubbock, we talked to him about college. He really wanted to go to Ohio State ($25K out-of-state tuition...right!) One car trip, DH and I told him what we thought: that he could go away to school if that's what he wanted to do, and we would support him in that, but we would really like him to stay home and go to Texas Tech, because he's an asset to our family.

He is an asset. He's a kind and attentive big brother. He's bright and a good conversationalist. He's pretty helpful around the house - just two days ago, he cleaned out the linen closet without being asked, and his room is spotless just ten days after he returned home (it was NOT that clean when he got here).

He's got some strange foibles. he won't touch raw meat, even to put it in the oven to bake. The sound of metal-on-metal is like fingernails on a chalkboard to him (thus he won't put away the silverware when he empties the dishwasher). He has a hypersensitive nose.

But I don't mind letting him have the car keys, because he's a good driver, and he'll go grocery shopping when I ask. He's grateful for what he has and expresses that.

I wish we still lived in a college town, so school wasn't 82 miles away. But I'm glad to have him home for the summer.