A DH story in more ways than one

My husband is a baseball fan.

Six or so years ago, when we were trying to get pregnant, we hadn't had any success for a couple of months. Mostly it was because when I was ovulating in Lubbock, he was collecting small mammals in New Mexico. But I was 38, and concerned that maybe my fertility was not as it was when I was younger. I subscribed to a Usenet infertility newsgroup. I'm not sure which one; probably alt.infertility, but perhaps one of its variants.

In any case, I was reading through some of the posts, and my husband came in and started reading over my shoulder. "What are you reading?" He asked. "An infertility newsgroup," I replied.

After a few minutes, he is very, very quiet. I look behind me and he is sitting, dumbstruck. Finally, he asked, "What is a DH?" "It's kind of an internet shorthand for 'dear husband,'" I said.

"Oh. That makes a lot more sense. In baseball, a DH is a designated hitter. I could see maybe one of these women going that route, but ALL of them?"

No Drama

When I was young, I yearned for drama in my life. When all was normal, I created chaos. When things were humming along, I'd do something really stupid so there'd be more excitement in my life. See my "Things I Don't Blog About" post for a sampling of stupid things I did to add drama to my life.

Years later, I read in the book "Women Who Love Too Much," that sometimes when women suffer from a low-grade depression, they get involved in stupid relationships and make decisions that will create drama in their lives, because the adrenalin rush lifts them out of their depression, at least temporarily. After my depression got better, I didn't feel the need for so much drama.

Now, my life is decidedly low key. I am a pretty relaxed person; the only thing that really gets me angry is poor customer service. Oh, and when people treat my friends badly. But other than that, I don't have any drama in my life; I don't want any drama in my life.

While I get bored sometimes with the routine, don't anybody go messin' with my routine!

What Males are Thankful For

Just a quick entry here. Last night, my little boy (almost five) was bouncing a couple of super balls around in our foyer before dinner time. (OK, you know where this is going...) He came to the table when we called him for dinner, and he offered to say the prayer over the meal. Whenever he prays, he usually just looks around and says thank you for the the things he notices. "Thank you for our pictures. Thank you for our fans that spin. Thank you for daddy. Thank you for the food." Well, last night's prayer began: "Father in heaven, thank you for my balls..."

DH, older son and I managed to control our laughter, though older son turned the brightest red I've ever seen. We all sort of croaked our "amens."

I Heart Math

I am loving my math class. My instructor is a dynamic teacher. Very energetic and dynamic. I don't even notice so much that English is his second language. I spent about an hour and a half tonight doing math problems and it was so fun. Older son reminded me how to solve a quadratic equation by completing the square.

Our beater car broke down on the way to the city today. It stalled coming out of the neighborhood, so I turned around to tell DH about the stall and to keep an eye out for me on the way in to New Orleans. It stalled again on the Twin Spans (a six mile bridge across the southeast corner of Lake Pontchartrain), and then again in the Bayou Sauvage, and again coming OUT of the Bayou Sauvage. By this time DH had caught up with me, and we got off the freeway. After the last stall, we just had it towed (after a very long conversation with a personable and helpful New Orleans COPS officer).

DH and Older Son are headed to New York and Boston this weekend for an Adventure. DH wants to see the Manhattan Temple, and they are going to play tourist, too. They are also going to see Fenway Park, a lifelong dream of my DH's. Some baseball fans collect cards, others are statistics buffs. DH collects ballparks. The Orioles (his team) are playing the Red Sox. I hope the car is fixed before they leave, else I'll have to get up at 5:30 a.m. to take them to the airport. They leave on Sunday a.m. and get back on Tuesday night. A whirlwind tour.

I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen right now. But I'm going to stop and send an e-mail to my Org Comm teacher (I missed his class today; bummer) and do more math problems. Such fun! Beats doing dishes...but I'll probably do that, too.

More than I Can Chew

I signed up last Friday for Organizational Communications, a three credit hour course in oral and written communication in business. After I registered, I met with a professor I liked very much who advises accounting majors. Mr. Wright (CPA, MBA) assured me that as long as there is an Internal Revenue Service, there will be a need for accountants here in the United States. He encouraged me to sign up for the basic accounting courses during first and second summer terms. Because I can't go to school during Summer II, and because the hours are not convenient, I am not going to do that. However, I did look at the requirements for the major, and, in a moment of bravery and ambition, added pre-calculus to my schedule.

Summer term really slams here...a course that normally meets twice a week for four months meets daily for six weeks (Org Comm) or eight (Pre-Calc). I have an hour commute in to the city every day. I still have to look for work, and try to keep the house running. Fortunately, it's not even two months, and it will go by in a blink. I just hope it doesn't mess up my GPA.

I will probably report in every other day, as I have been, here on my own blog, and I will continue to read my friend's blogs. But do not think that reduced commenting means reduced interest or reduced lurve for all y'all.

I have an interview Wednesday for a job here in my little 'burb, 30 hours a week, for a family service organization. It's a front desk job, so it won't pay as much as I'm used to, but then again, it'll pay a lot more than I'm used to lately, and because evenings are required I'll be able to go to school in the morning.

Ever since we moved here, I have had a "goal" of going back to school when we get our debt paid off. I have revised that. I am going to school full time in Fall 2005. We'll just have to make lifestyle adjustments to accomodate that. This gives us a year to start on them.

Joe, your "setting goals too low" comment really made me think. I know this may not seem like much, but jumping into pre-calculus when I haven't taken a math class in over 25 years was aiming high for me. After sitting through the class today, though, I am filled with confidence. I remember this stuff! I can do this!

I got a laugh out of my age in class today. The instructor asked us to introduce ourselves and explain how we feel about math. I said, "I used to love math, and was pretty good at it when I last took it, over 25 years ago." (class laughs) "I took pre-calculus in high school, in 1978. How many of y'all had been born then?" (class laughs, no hands). "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Do singing cowgirls need to know calculus?

Subjects I don't Blog about

I read an article in Ladies Home Journal (it was cheap, OK?) about how women need female friends. One of the roles of our female friends is to help us work out problems with our spouses.

This got me thinking: I have (I think) an excellent marriage. We are nearing the seven-year mark, and I'm still very much in love. He tells me he is, too. We do have things that crop up, but we've always been able to work them out, mostly because we communicate really well. So, I can't imagine dumping on a friend about the latest stupid thing my husband did, mostly because he doesn't do stupid things, but also because we'll work it out. We always do. Why air my marital challenges for others to see, even if they are close friends? Loyalty to those not present, and all that.

That got me thinking about areas of my life that are off-limits for public consumption. This is very much a "public consumption" blog. I have an audience, albeit a small one. There are areas of my life that I am simply not comfortable talking about in front of an audience, even an audience as erudite, charming, and perspicacious as mine:

• My criminal background
• My past drug use
• My teen years
• My first marriage
• My daughter's teen years
• My sex life
• My goals
• My weight problem
• My 17 years as a believing Mormon

Some of these things - well, they're in the past. I'm not the same person; I've moved on. Others are difficult to think about seriously, even years later. Others involve other people who might not appreciate me talking about it. Others are none of your business.

I like to think that I am an open person, but perhaps I am deluding myself. Perhaps I am guarding myself too closely, and that's why I have so few real friends. Even the things listed above that most would agree are not anybody's business, or that really aren't suitable for public consumption, I don't talk about with close friends. So how can we be really "close"?

The only real downside of this is that my blog might be more interesting if I wrote about some of these things. Maybe I can find one or two of them and write about them a bit. It'll probably be the least interesting on the list. I would guess my weight problem and my goals.

Senior Show

Tuesday night, DH and I went to the Cable SHS Senior Show at my older son's high school. Older Son is in the broadcasting academy; every month, they put together a news show that was broadcast on the cable TV system within the school. All through the year, they've been putting together a video for the seniors as a memento of the year. It was wonderful!

The opening segment was a comedy bit by my son and a friend. They "re-enacted" the day last year when the junior class takes over, with a road rally, breakfast, and a dance. It was short, but very funny. Then they showed video footage of the real thing. They had footage of homecoming, the senior class production of "Footloose," Senior Lock-in, Grad Night (a four-day trip to Disney World and Universal Studios), and Prom. They did baby pictures of a lot of the kids, with their "now" pictures fading in in the corner. They did a segment on friendship. The final segment was "good luck seniors" from local notables and teachers and staff.

It was just wonderful. Even older son, who is a terrible critic, was impressed. "I wish I could take more credit for it, mom...Ms. Brown did everything. I've seen the last three senior shows, and this was the best."

It was upbeat, and forward looking. It cast the year in a positive light, with wistfulness and hope. I choked up more than once, and my son was not even in the show that much.

Yesterday was graduation rehearsal. Tonight is graduation. It is not raining. The graduation is outside, unless it rains. It has not rained for two days. If it doesn't rain, little boy can come with us. I know, it sounds like I'm obsessing about the rain, but really, it has rained here so much that I can't quite believe the sun has shone for the last two days.

We have purchased photos of older son getting his diploma, to send to the grandparents. We have forbidden him from wearing his fake mustache. I will be sure to take the camera and arrive early.

In their post on speed of time, which I comment on believe, Tyler Cowen at Marginal Revolution said that the perceived midpoint of our lives comes at age 17 1/2. I think that makes sense. High school graduation is one of those big transition times, when we put behind us childish things and take responsibility for our futures. No wonder time seems to speed up.

For so many years, this young man was "my guy." He's been such a great kid. I'm astonished that he's passed this milestone so quickly.

It's Gonna Rain

I wish I could find a free MP3 of this song, but the lyrics have been going through my head for about the last 10-12 days. I can't see the local weather on weather.com before May 11, but we've had rain every single day since except for Mother's Day, and I know it rained for several days before that. Not just a pleasant little drizzle (though it was like that for a couple of days) but drenching, pouring, can't see the house across the street, camaros flooded up to the hood, torrential-defining rain.

When I lived in Ohio, I got used to little sunshine. I was in a cloud belt that cut across the state, and there were more cloudy days than not. I remember when I moved to Michigan being so surprised at how often the sun seemed to shine, even in the winter. One weekend I headed down to Columbus on a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, and when I hit Findley, Ohio, I hit the cloud belt. I went back to Westland on Sunday evening, and the clouds broke when I got past Findley, and the sun shone the rest of the way home.

My four years in Lubbock were an amazing time for me. The sun shone all the time, relentlessly. It was very windy; my realtor told me that hair spray was a big seller in West Texas, but I really didn't care, because the sun was always shining. DH and I had a little routine we'd do on the way to work (said in a disgusted voice): "Another beautiful, sunny day." The landscape was so flat, it was like the anti-mountains; nothing to block the sky - no hills, no trees, no buildings more than 10 stories high. I quickly came to appreciate where the local marketing saying, "Lubbock has more sky" came from.

I had hoped that the added humidity in Louisiana would prevent wrinkles, as frown lines had started appearing on my forehead right before I moved here. But the moisture in the air hasn't prevented aging like I'd hoped, and at this point I would trade even a few wrinkles for a day or five of sunshine and big blue sky.

A few days ago, the little boy was looking at the lilies out front. Some of them have not yet opened, and he said, "I think the flowers need some water." Um, no. They have plenty of water. I think he has not yet made the connection between watering and rain.

Older son graduates on Thursday night. Tonight is the senior video. He is the emcee. I got his report card in the mail earlier this week. His GPA (unweighted) for the two years we've been here is 4.000. His overall GPA (unweighted) is 3.8216. I am so very proud of all he's accomplished. He's excited about heading off to college and he's made some wonderful friends in the last few months, all of whom are going off to college with him. I need to sign him up for pre-testing and a dorm room. I don't know what I will do when he's gone. For so many years, he was "my guy."

Maybe it won't be so bad. DH doesn't care that the house is a mess, so it will be a relief to not have someone complaining about what a mess the house is, without actually doing anything to change things.

This is not going to be a new career opportunity

Last night, and again tonight, I cut hair. DH and younger son, specifically, badly needed haircuts. Going to the barber is right up there with making phone calls for my better half, so before we even moved here from Texas we bought a lovely Conair haircutting kit.

The first time I cut his hair, I followed the "thick, wavy hair" instructions on the "How to Cut Hair" video. It came out looking pretty good, for a first time, but it took forever. So this time, I just buzzed him. #2 and #3 guards on the back, and a #6 guard on top. I finished in under 20 minutes, and he loves it. It's very short, and our stylish older son doesn't like it at all. He says it makes his dad look like he's going into the military. But DH is very satisfied, because it was free, and he didn't have to go to the barber.

Tonight, I cut the little boy's hair. A very different experience. Little boys are very wiggly, even when you position the barber chair so they can watch the baseball game. Yikes, what an adventure. But he likes his haircut, too, and older son is not home right now to criticize it. That's a good thing.

I found a web site, salary.com, that has salaries by area for all kinds of professions. Barbers make very little. I think I won't be switching to barbering as a profession any time soon.

In other news about me, we finally got the family room picked up and vacuumed. It looks great. Or, it did before little boy dumped the Legos all over the floor. Maybe I can get him to pick them up tonight before he goes to bed.

The Speed of Time, and Getting Important Things Done

Older Son went to school today for several hours to work on the Senior Class Video. When he came home after working on the project he had his cap and gown. Gasp! It's really going to happen. He has a class meeting on Tuesday morning, the Senior Class Video show Tuesday evening, graduation rehearsal Wednesday morning, and he graduates on Thursday night. This is just amazing to me.

On Marginal Revolution, Tyler Cowen wrote about Subjective Time, describing research that indicates that time seems to pass more quickly as we age. Here is a quote that caught my attention:

Say you are forty and you will live to eighty. According to one set of calculations, your life, as subjectively perceived, is already seventy-one percent over. This is the most disturbing scientific fact I have heard in a long time. Your last twenty years will feel like no more than thirteen percent of your life. Another set of equations, harder to confirm, puts the age of seventeen and a half (!) as the midpoint of your subjectively experienced life.

This does not surprise me at all. I remember so clearly the day he was born, and while it was not "yesterday," (like it was for the little boy, who will be starting kindergarten in the fall) it is certainly much less than almost-eighteen years. Except that really, it's not.

I got a couple of important things done today. I followed up with an old boss and he sent an e-mail off to a the guy I interviewed with on Wednesday. I did some dishes. I sent off an application for a federal job. Tomorrow's important things include vacuuming and getting the dorm application off to Great Big State Party School.

I just re-read that paragraph. Readers might infer I'm being facetious in my descriptions of important things. I'm not. Other little accomplishments I made today are activities that I can crank out effortlessly. Several tasks I completed today just flow out of me: cooking the bratwurst for dinner, managing money stuff, baking a fruit cocktail cobbler for dessert. Other activities weren't even tasks: talking to my daughter for a while on the phone, watching the repeat of the final episode of Frasier - those were just for fun. But getting the application out and making the job follow up and loading the dishwasher required a force of my will to make them happen. They needed doing, though I would rather not. And I did them anyway.

Maybe important is the wrong word. Here is a better way of phrasing it: I got many important things done today; even some unpleasant ones.

Little boy just gave me a card he made. It's a picture of a magic wand. I think I'm going to buy a magic wand for myself. I bet they have one at Wal-mart. I'll just wave my magic wand, and then I'll do the vacuuming.

Just a quick link

I loved this book review on Marginal Revolution. It'll take you about 3 seconds to read it.

Starting again

I just lost a blog entry when I tried to publish it. How annoying. But maybe it's a sign that I should write about something else.

Day two (yesterday) of "Stop Procrastinating!" was also very successful. I finished fixing some glitches in the GED software that had been hanging over my head for a few weeks. Now they are not.

Today I had a very encouraging interview for a temp gig at the Tulane National Primate Research Center. I presented myself well, listened attentively, asked good questions and provided good, thoughtful answers to the questions presented to me. At the end of the interview (which lasted almost two hours) the interviewer took me around and introduced me to members of the IT staff with "Ann is considering the temporary support staff position." Like it was all up to me! Maybe he did that with everyone he's interviewed. He's not done interviewing, but he wants to make a decision by Monday. The job will last anywhere from six weeks to six months, with a possibility (but no promises!) of going permanent. I'm trying to be hopeful without getting my hopes up.

Day three of "Stop Procrastinating!" has not been so successful. I was at the interview all morning, and have spent the afternoon internetting instead of cleaning the family room. I'll go get right on that...

Day one of the focused new me

I got up at 8:00. I did a first draft of a new resume for a federal administrative type job. I spoke with three people about the position I am applying for (not people at the job, just people who might be able to help). I applied for a job I found online. I added three more sites to my job search web links. I did the dishes.

I did all these things without reading the boards, or the blogs. I feel accomplished. I am done with job searching for the day, and have nothing in front of me re: job searching until I hear from my resume reviewers. The family and I are going to do some deep cleaning of some rooms at the front of the house.

This may all sound quite dull. But it's so nice to have these tasks as done things that I can think about without guilt, instead of undone things, in front of me like a reproach.

Another fine weekend in New Orleans

Yesterday morning was commencement at the university where my husband teaches. He had to go, because he's on the faculty there. $40 to rent regalia. But he looks so awesome in his cap and gown with the hood with the Texas Tech colors. I guess the ceremony was kind of long; many, many names to read. I didn't go. Next year, though, I think I will find a sitter and go to the baccalaureate mass, which they hold the night before. My husband said the music was very nice, and I haven't been to a solemn high mass in a long, long time.

After commencement, a member of the faculty hosted a crawfish boil. (It seems rather sacrilegious to cite an Austin, Texas newspaper for a description of a boil, but this is a very good description; almost like a blog entry.) We had a very nice time, and ate a LOT of crawfish. They are so tasty, like tiny little lobster tails, but zippy with spices. We ended up taking home two gallon-size ziplock bags full of crawfish. This evening, we peeled them down to the tails, which is where the meat is. The two large bags reduced down to just over 12 ounces of crawfish tails. I will make crawfish fettucine with them this week.

For mother's day, we had a very yummy breakfast - waffles with fresh Louisiana strawberries, whipped cream and pecans. Oh, and a little bacon for contrast. My husband made me a card with a the poem Dedication to my Wife, by T.S. Eliot. It was the most romantic Mother's Day card he's given me in seven Mother's Days together. I did not get a gift, but I did not expect one, since we are so broke. My little boy made me a drawing with a picture of different fruits.

I went to church with the family. Of course the little kids sang, and it was so cute to see my little guy, alternating between straining his head to see us all the way in the back, and singing his little heart out.

My husband has done all the cooking today, and all the dishes. Also, we had a moth infestation in our pantry (a bag of cheese tortellini turned food source for larvae; ugh, ugh, ugh) and he cleaned it out thoroughly. It was really gross. He's a biologist, and even he thought it was gross. Worse than skinning rodents, even.

We had brownies for dessert tonight, and the little boy is asleep. Older son went out with his friends and just got back. Tomorrow, I will write more about him being done with school.

Maybe I have a focus, after all

It's certainly not a fun focus, like Life in New Orleans, or computer and internet security. And I don't think I'll be taking up all my blog space writing about it, because then I'd be just a one trick pony. Can you image me one dimensional? No, neither can I.

It's going to be good to have a topic area, though, because then I can write about something, even if I don't have anything interesting going on in my own life. When life is routine, dull, blah, uninteresting, or just more of the same, only with less energy, I'll write about my new focus area.

Blogging on TV

Pound, a blog I read, has an entry today about her appearance on Chicago's Fox TV affilliate about blogging. Just think, she got to appear on the news in a major US market because she blogs! OK, so she's a very well known blogger, with a book deal and stuff, but still. What I crave most, more than anything, is attention. When I was young, I even preferred negative attention to being ignored. I want lots of people to read my blog, but my audience is mostly just people I know from other places on the web. I don't write about exciting things like the tricks I turn or economics or political satire or how my life changed (but stayed the same) when I lost a lot of weight. There is even a blog by a Mormon woman college professor in New York called "Celibate in the City" that is about her dating and not having sex that is way more interesting than what I write.

I did have a Google hit the other day that was from a search on cardinal nesting. Maybe more people are linked to my blog than I think. I'm proud to be linking Miserable Failure still. Maybe the secret to lots of hits and getting on TV is linking to lots of other blogs. Or maybe I need to be a better writer. The first time I wrote this, I typed "right" instead of "write." Yeesh, even spell check wouldn't pick that up.

Maybe I need a focus, but that would imply something that simply doesn't exist in my life.

Today's Addenda

1. I watched BBC America tonight. All Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen, all night. He not only hosts the "new" Changing Rooms, he does brief announcements for all the shows in between. He's SO beautiful.


2. I missed a question on my final! I only got a 97! This RUINS my perfect score, and because I turned in no homework (which would have given me extra credit), my final grade is only a 99.4. Still an A, but not perfect. Harrumph

My mother's foot

Several weeks ago, my mother hurt her foot. It's a deteriorating tendon. There is no cure. She was seeing an MD she didn't like and who wasn't treating it properly, so she went to see another MD who immediately put her in a cast. For the entire time she's been seeing an MD, she hasn't been able to drive. I phoned her the other night and she was just in despair. She was absolutely sure her foot wasn't going to get better. I called my dad the next morning to see if it would help if I came to visit. He said he would check with her.

Today, she had an MD appointment. He took off her cast and put her in a boot. She needs to stay off her feet for another three weeks, and she has been fitted for an Arizona brace. She was very encouraged by the appointment today. She will need to always wear the brace, but she will be able to drive, walk, etc., so she really doesn't care.

I can hear you all thinking, "So, Ann, how does this affect you?" I'm glad you asked. I have been giving a lot of thought to how this came about for my Mom. When she was my age, she started having problems with her feet. She switched to flat shoes, but at the end of the day her feet always hurt. I think she was in Stage I of this foot disorder/disease even then, twenty years ago. My tendonitis is much better; the heel cup and arch support combo really help, and the prescription strength anti-inflammatory helps, too. But I think I may go see a foot person in the next couple of months; after I get my life back in order. Because that is one ugly foot, and one ugly boot, and I don't want to be housebound for two months when I'm 63 because I didn't bother taking care of my feet when I was 44.

Another day frittered away on the computer

Here are things I should have done today:

1. Prune the azaleas


2. Laundry. Well, more than one load of laundry.


3. Dishes.


4. Sweep the kitchen & breakfast room floors.


5. Fix bugs in the GED scoring program.


6. Slap together the French GED.

But on the up side, I did get a lovely new logo for my blog. And I was able to send Dave a link to a hot scoop on Marginal Revolution. It's such a rush when the apparently unrelated blog interests of Mormonism and Economics intersect.